


The Last Day

by loosenoodlepoodledoodle



Series: The Dustbin of History [2]
Category: Trump Family Values
Genre: Absurd, Catharsis, Other, Parody
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-09
Updated: 2020-06-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:08:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24624508
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/loosenoodlepoodledoodle/pseuds/loosenoodlepoodledoodle
Summary: What will Trump do on his last day in office?Probably something really fucking stupid...
Relationships: Donald Trump/Ivanka Trump
Series: The Dustbin of History [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2007061
Kudos: 10





	The Last Day

It was a bitter day, one January morning, and Donald Trump could hardly extricate himself from his nest of McDonald’s Big Mac wrappers. His sons Eric and Donnie Junior had to help him out.

“Daddy, it’s almost time to _goooooo_ ,” whined Eric. He looked quite pathetic in his melancholy.

“Father, I’m sure everything will be alright.” Donnie Junior tried to be reassuring. It was his latest failure.

_Tits_ , thought Trump.

The boys led him out the door to the White House lawn. Marine One noisily waited for them to embark. The fat fucking bastard looked around at the ruins of the barricades, the fences, the trenches and minefields, all wrought in his honor by his hired guns. They had deserted him as soon as his credit had run dry at the stroke of noon.

“Where’s…Ivanka?” the orange blob huffed.

Eric and Donnie looked at each other. Neither one had the heart to tell him that his daughter had resorted to selling herself for desperate cash now that The Boy Wonder had holed himself up in his own private Barad-Dur ever since his tenants had revolted. In fact, they didn’t want Daddy/Father getting any ideas about it. Even they had noticed his bizarre infatuations with their sister.

Trump didn’t even think about poor Melania.

“We’ll meet her at the airport,” said Donnie.

_“Boobs,”_ thought Trump out loud. The boys exchanged a dark look.

***

The chopper passed near the inauguration crowd. Biden certainly wasn’t any where near the draw that Barack Obama had been, but enough people showed up to make the Orange One jealous nonetheless. They also started booing and giving the finger when Marine One flew overhead.

Trump had one of those rare moments of evil genius, the kind that always seemed at the cost of some fundamental aspect of humanity. He stood up, faster than his sons would ever have believed possible, strode to the door of the chopper, unzipped his pants, and stuck his dick out for all to see.

“You wanted that pee tape so bad, well I’m gonna give you one now, motherfuckers!”

“Daddy!” screamed Eric.

“Father!” whined Donnie.

They grabbed his arms to keep him from falling out, but both of Trump’s sons made sure to wait until he was done before pulling him back and sitting him back down. They exchanged a look that essentially meant _well maybe we should’ve let him fall, we’d get what’s left of his money sooner._ But alas, to be a Trump means to never accept any personal responsibility. So they forever blamed each other.

_Pussy_ , thought Trump.

***

They landed at the airport, where a private jet awaited to fly them down to Florida. As they sat around the lounge, waiting for the crew to show up, they saw a story on ~~Fox News~~ OANN.

“This just in: Eternal President Trump has blessed the traitorous scum at the National Mall by granting them a golden shower,” said the blonde anchorwoman breathlessly. She began to have an orgasm on-air.

“Still got it,” said Trump. He attempted to give his sons a high five, but they messed it up because there were three of them.

***

Some hours later, they landed in South Florida. Trump was with it enough to wonder where all the cops had gone.

“Sorry, Daddy,” said Eric, “but West Palm Beach adopted the Minneapolis Reforms. They just don’t have the same number of uniforms out anymore.”

“But don’t worry, Father,” said Donnie, “Palm Beach is still full of rich people. _They_ know what makes America great!”

“Sons of bitches,” muttered Trump, and when his sons weren’t sure just to whom he was referring to, he added, “Fuck America, they don’t deserve me.”

Their limousine approached Mar-a-Lago, and were waved through the cordon of toxic masculinity that guarded all approaches to that place. They arrived at the main building, and Trump was starting to feel the mood for a round of golf.

“Good idea, Father,” said Donnie sycophantically. “I’ll go see what's keeping the help.”

_Tits and tits, butts and butts_ , thought Trump. _Boobs, boobs, boobs._

Donnie came back with a bag of golf clubs in his hand, and a frown on his face.

“Uh, there seems to be a problem…”

“Oh?” said Eric.

“The golf course is flooded. We can’t play.”

“WELL, WHY THE FUCK NOT?” screamed Trump in a tantrum. The boys cowered in fear.

“Daddy, you know the balls don’t land in the holes right when it’s all wet,” said Eric.

_Holes are better when dry_ , thought Trump. “But how’s it flooded? There’s not a cloud in the sky.” A rare moment of brilliance for him.

Donnie shrank back. “Um, apparently some ocean water got in somehow…like, maybe the sea level rose or something…”

Suddenly he had Trump’s full attention. “The Chinese got to you, too.” With unnatural speed and strength, he slid a club out of the bag, and caved in the side of Junior’s head.

“OH, DADDY, NO!” screamed Eric.

He should have run instead.

***

Hours later, Ivanka arrived, exhausted but pleased after her epic haul. Reflecting on her life, she wished that she had made this career change much earlier, when she could have charged far more for each trick. For someone with good looks and no moral center, whoring was probable the most humanly decent life choice they could ever make. I mean, what the hell did she need Jared for, anyway?

It was dark, and as she stepped out of her cab, she stumbled over something large on the ground. She called for help, but the staff had long since quit once the Russians, the Chinese, the Turks, and pretty much everyone else who had been buying Trump’s loyalty had given up during the lame duck period. So she had to turn on the lights by herself, after bumbling horribly through the night.

“Ah, Daddy, no!” she whined, as the scene presented itself.

“I’m ruined, Ivanka,” wheezed the fat fuck. He’d fallen in the dark and broken his hip tripping over his dumb, dead boys.

“I’m ruined…”

**Author's Note:**

> That ending is from _There Will Be Blood._


End file.
